I turn 30 in exactly 2 months and 11 days. CHRIST! When the hell did this happen? 30 was so far away, so blasted far away that I felt safe. Now the fear of my 30s is looming over me and I can feel its breath on my neck and its making me very uncomfortable. People keep saying that your 30s are so great! "They will be better than your 2os by far." They freaking better be! My 20s were ok, but the last 3 or 4 years or so have been really hard. Letting go of friends who you finally figure out aren't really your friends and you are finally just too old to put up with their crap anymore. Between 28 and today I've lost 2 very good friends to heart problems, and that's a scary thing to deal with. Plus, you approach 30 and the dreams you had at 21 have not come through, you are searching for your purpose in life and, in my case, reevaluating all the things I'm doing with my life and all the things I'm not. As the days dwindle down to when I will actually have to say, "I'm 30" when someone asks how old I am, I am starting to realize that my life might not be what I thought it would be. And I am asking myself, "But can I turn it into what I want it to be?" I don't know the answer to that. I think, however, I first need to figure out exactly what it is I want it to be. Ugh! Getting older sucks!
